Thursday, January 13, 2011

Getting Older Part 1: Things That Suck!

I try to be positive about my age. I try to look at the bright side, the silver lining, the gold at the end of the rainbow...but who the heck believes that crap! Sometimes, getting older just sucks! Here are some things that I have noticed that nobody warned me I'm warning YOU!!

Young people irritate me to no end! Not all of them, just 98.7% of them. The guy walking down the street wearing metal all over his face. Hair dyed black wearing black lipstick...wearing a look of bitterness and hate, obviously wanting attention. Then when you look at him and he says, "What are you lookin' at?" Aargh!! Get over here and let me give you a haircut punk!! Grumble, grumble, grumble...

Why the heck do my hands look like dried up prunes!! I moisturize, I exfoliate, but I could map out the Middle East on the back of my hands! Anybody need directions?

What changed that made getting up from the floor an Olympic event? Gone are the days that I just pop up and go to the kitchen and get a drink. Now it becomes a major event in calisthenics! Roll to all fours...find a support table...pull to my leg at a time...heck now I need a nap...

AAAACHOOOOO!!! Ooops, peed my pants.  Ha ha ha ha...that was funny!  Ooops, peed my pants.  Stomp my foot.  Ooops, peed my pants.  Run across the street.  Ooops, peed my pants.  Oh!  You startled me!  Ooops, peed my pants.  Let's dance!  Ooops, peed my pants.  Maybe this is where all of the moisture in my hands is going...
Consider this your official warning label.  My advice?  Moisturize like there is no tomorrow and do your Kegels!!!

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