Monday, August 23, 2010

10 Things I Have Learned from My Dog

Dogs make great companions!  They love us unconditionally regardless of what we look like or what mood we might be in. We could learn a lot from our canine are some things I have learned from mine:

  1.  In a relationship, cuddling is not an is a requirement.
  2.  Inhaling your food is not a sign of poor etiquette, but a compliment to the chef!
  3.  We should greet the ones we love with excitement EVERY day.
  4.  If you get out of bed in the middle of the night, your warm spot is free game!
  5.  A good walk is good for the soul.
  6.  If I appear hyper, I'm just happy to see you!
  7.  No one likes to be tied down or fenced in, explore the possibilities! 
  8.  It does not matter if you are a dog or a human, no one likes to be watched while doing number 2!
  9.  When you love something you protect it.
10.  Regardless of your breeding, size, or sex...I will still judge you by your butt odor!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Lessons in Humility...Part 2

If there is one thing that I have learned from being a mom it is this, your children will tell you exactly what you don't want to know!  Never ask your kids if these pants make your butt look big, they will tell you.  Never ask your kids if they like your new hair color, they will tell you.  Always save these questions for people who you KNOW will lie to you gracefully.

I recently took the kids to the dentist for their check up and cleaning.  This kind of thing always makes you feel good as a mother because you know you are doing something good for your kids.  So I'm feeling really good about myself and the visit and the kids teeth look so clean and white...aaaaahh, life is good.  I look at my daughter and say, "Baby, your teeth look so pretty and white."  to which she replies, "Then maybe you should get your teeth cleaned too Mom."  Note to self, pick up whitening strips on the way home...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Lessons in Humility...Part 1

I love to dance!  I have always loved to dance from the time I was a little girl and even now.  I work in the retail field and many of the people that I work with are young people in college who like to go to the clubs and dance.  I too used to enjoy this activity when I was younger and more, shall we say, flexible.  One Friday night a group of women were going to go dancing and invited me to come along.  Of course I would go!!  I love to dance!!  So off I went to go play with the young folk.

I arrive ready to teach some lessons!  I'll teach these girls how it's done.  They will envy my moves that are seconded ONLY by my infinite wisdom!  We hit the dance floor and I am feeling pretty in love with myself, I still got it.  My booty is shaking, sweat is rolling, then a voice comes up from behind me, "Lisa, you need to move faster."  What?!  Move faster?!  "You move your hips to slow, you need to move them faster."  I inform her, "This is as fast as they go!  If I go any faster I may pee my pants!"  And thus ends my cool reign...

Friday, August 6, 2010

Dating in your 40's...

Now that I'm 40, there are some days that I just feel OLD!  I'm not even talking physically, I'm talking mentally as well.  I find myself saying things like, "If I were your mother!" or "When I was your age?" which always reminds me of how I am no longer "cool."  Here is a trick if you want to feel young again...start dating.  Not because of the mushy, warm and fuzzies that you get; but because of the the way you'll act the second something goes wrong!  My oh my!!  Hit a bump in a relationship and you will be instantly transported back to high school!!  You will talk about the "jerk" to ALL of your girlfriends.  You will eat ice cream, completely ignoring your lactose intolerance.  You will post attention-getting comments on your facebook, twitter, myspace, etc. OR youtube videos of 80's love songs.  Your behavior will transport you to a time when your skin was tight and pimply and your boobs were still where they belonged!  Sigh.  I think I will go fight with my boyfriend...I need a facelift.