Saturday, February 2, 2013

For Better or Worse, In Sickness and In Health...

Finally!  Today is the first day in the last four I have felt at least a little like myself.  The fog is lifting from four days of sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy-head fever, good Lord I wish I could rest funk!  It was miserable, but I have to say, my husband Mike took very good care of me.  He took care of things while I was down, prepared food for the kids, ran the errands, overall a regular Fred Nightingale.  I am quite positive, that when he repeated his vows, he did not truly grasp the "for better or sickness and in health" part.  I'm not sure any of us really think about that when we get married, we are just in luuuuuuuuv.  Now obviously, sickness carries far deeper implications than my last four days of SnotFest 2013.  But the fact of the matter is, after what Mike witnessed over the last week, he will eventually have to have sex with me again.  I had a consistent stream of disgusting liquids coming out of most of my facial orifices, surrounded by used white chunks of toilet paper...otherwise referred to as redneck tissues.  I sat with my mouth gaped open (since I can't breathe through my nose) and my eyes half closed.  The bags underneath my eyes drooped down to my boobs and my skin was the color of blech.  I bathed, well once...and brushed my teeth...I think.  My nose, lips, and surrounding skin were so chapped that I slathered my face in Vaseline petroleum jelly...shiny!  I have been coughing continuously soooooooooo, yep...peed my pants...a LOT!  Last night I drug my shiny faced, greasy headed, nasty breath, b.o. smellin sick self to bed coated in Vick's Vapor Rub.  Wrapped up like a menthol lyptus mummy, I snored like an old man...but Mike still loves me.  Eventually the last few days images will fade away and he will find me desirable again because that's the promise we made to each other.  As gross as you may be, I will still have sex with you... The institute of marriage is a beautiful thing!

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