Don't Make Me Style Your Hair!

I have to admit, I am a hot-tempered little lass.  I can spew anger and hatefulness like a fountain flowing freely from my mouth.  This leads people to believe that I have been in my share of hair pulling brawls...nah.  I have never been in a fight, in fact, I'm quite the chicken in some ways.  I make sure all of the doors are locked at night.  I lock the doors of my car...just in case.  When walking thru a dark parking lot, my finger is always on my alarm button.  If Mike works an overnight, my trusty pistol lies lovingly on my nightstand.  My moment of greatest vulnerability, however, is taking a shower when I am home alone.  Anthony Perkins in the movie "Psycho" will forever be ingrained in my memory.  *shiver* I always make sure the bathroom door is locked and I have to admit I occasionally peek out of the shower curtain, just to make sure an ax murderer did not sneak in while I was soaping up my hair.  A girl can never be too careful...

The other morning I was home alone and showering, behind locked doors of course, when I heard three loud thumps; it sounded like someone tripping and catching themselves on the wall.  I froze.  What do I do?  I'm in the bathroom!  The pistol is in the bedroom!  Oh...my...GAWD!!!  I turned the water off and jumped out dripping wet. There's no time to dry off, I gotta go kill a guy.  I grab my robe.  Have you ever put on a fleece robe soaking wet?  I jerked and tugged and wrestled with it until I think I dislocated my shoulder.  Then...I select my weapon.  I got it!  Hairspray.  Will I bop him over the head with it, knocking my assailant unconscious.  No.  I shall spray him in his eyes till he is blind, grab his gun with silencer (I'm sure he knows better than to come at me with less) and pistol whip that boob until he cries for his mother.  That or I will style his hair like no other.  I open the door quickly so as to catch him off guard, hairspray in hand.  Dripping wet, shoulder aching, hairspray can rusting beneath my sweaty grip, I find the culprit.  Stupid cat.  I put away the hairspray and finish my shower.  Note to self...purchase terry robe...