Blind Date Horror Story...

I hate blind dates.  The problem with blind dates is you go on a date and wish to GOD you were blind…and deaf…and numb…ugh!  Worst blind date ever; I mean EVER!  A friend of mine fixed me up with a fella from a prominent family, good breeding.  I thought, “Why not?  What could go wrong?”  Oh, just read on.   He arrives at my doorstep, dumpy and balding.  Let me explain first that I have no issue with baldness, baldness can be very sexy.  Allowing those fuzzball things going down the side of your head…not so much.  As I was saying, he arrives at my doorstep not so attractive.  We go to dinner and I spend the next hour listening to story after story about how horrible his ex wife was and how badly she treated him during his divorce.  Strike one.  He then begins to talks about his career.  Normally this would include something to the effect of, “I went to college and majored in (insert major here) then I went to work at (insert company here)  I now am at (again, insert company here) and (love/hate) it…blah, blah, blah.”  I could not get that lucky.  My date begins to talk about how he got into the computer business.  First, he was going to college where he was on the library computer, his friend had hacked a bank and he had hacked the Pentagon.  FBI came in and took them into custody, they interrogated them and then gave them the choice…go to jail or work for them.   His friend took the deal but him…no he held out.  That’s hot.  He decided to work on a contract basis because, as you know, this is how the FBI works.  They’re such wimps.  This begins the adventure otherwise known as his imaginary career.  When the U.S. is in need…when they have nowhere to turn…they go to HIM.  Oh yes, don’t you doubt this…helicopters have met him at his home where he has climbed that infamous rope ladder (you know, like you see in the movies) and has been whisked away to Washington D.C. to save my ass.  Don’t you doubt that!  He’s a hero dang it!  Other times a private plane has met him at the local army depot to take him straight to the president to save our butts…yes, I had the opportunity to meet this man.  Don’t hate…appreciate.  You would think I would stop there and say that he went home, I never saw him again, and life went on.  Oh no.  It gets better.  After he tells me of his career adventures, I get to hear of his medical ailments.  God help me.   You see, he is diabetic.  If there is a cure for diabetes, by golly, he will be there.  He is the subject of a controversial drug that has some serious side effects.  You see, if he takes this medication, the side effect is death.  If he stops the medication, he will die.  Wow.  That is what you call being stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Sucks to be you.  The good news is, the other side effect is dry orgasms so he is now 100% sterile.  No lie, this is our first and ONLY date.  I have spent the entire evening with a spy who has no sperm count.  It’s a wonder I’m not a lesbian…